im lost.

my heart sunk. the one who gave me my life wanted me to end it. my heart is dead. and its all becoz of something dat i could not repair.


P.S: for this one time. i do not plead guilty. coz i am not. i tried to help u do it. was frustrated coz i could not do it. YOU did not help at all. giving me vague ideas of what actually happened. i did not go out to play or do fun things. i went to work mind you.. u say that i'm always in front of the comp. have you ever given me some thought of how tired i am juggling between work and studies? NO. u all just spot my bad points. when i am being spotted being at the comp in the night, its ASSUMED that i am there all thru the night. do u all have any idea that i have been studying? NO. u all just spot my bad points. if i were not tired, i would not have slept so early. did u all try to understand me? NO once again. if i was such a no hoper like u said i am. why don't u all just kill me? why lemme suffer here when home is just a place where quarrels happen and there is no peace at all? u all keep saying that i have a bad tone. did u even for a while think where i get this kind of stupid voice from? how could someone even talk to another shouting person? will the message get thru? i do not understand. why is all dis happening? is it me? is it u? or is it us? silence has been ongoing for years. we cannot even hold a decent conversation together. its not that i did not try. but it just cant work out. ppl have been telling me its another kind of love. but can u love me in the normal way? i have no idea when did i become your sore enemy. is it when i could not get 100 marks? or was it due to the constant failures i got for my secondary school tests and exams? why do u always give me the feeling that u detest me so much? do u really hate me that much? as i am typing all dis. tears keep flowing down. i dun wanna cry. i wanna be the strong cheerful boy that i have always been. but i cant stop the tears, they just fall down. audrey is right. dis is just an aftermath of years of silence. its true. there hasnt been a slight hint of communication going on. the communication we have is thru shouts and silences. thats the only communication we have in here. therefore im typing this now
as a reminder to myself. i do not wish to be such a father and never will i allow my family to run it dis way. NEVER.

soccer day

just came back from soccer.. its like after a 2 month break since my last injury.. definitely felt good to be back in the game. but due to those overeating of buffets. i was totally detached from the game. cant score, cant pass. but its okay.. give a few more weeks and i'll be back! wif a bang!

hahaha. the weather today was crazy!!! the sun was like burning.. and luq, pet and razali cant drink! respects to them for their endurance.

for now... its koon time.. yawnz...

tremors!!!

im in skool right now, waiting for audrey to end her lessons. den while in the lib, i tot the floor was shaking. due to headaches dis few days... i tot it was my head playing tricks on me. everyone in the library also no effect one sia.. tmd... Alas, on the radio, its reported that jakarta had an earthquake. so it wasnt my head.. and the people in the library were Insensitive. =X ok... i shall end here... my stupid head ache is back. i must find my best fren mr paraceptamol.

back.

after so long... im back... but dis post will be a short one... just came back from watching The Invasion. Nicole Kidman is HOT man!!! hahaha. she looks absolutely gorgeous even at her age. dunno why tom cruise dumped her.. anyway...

watched 881 wif my mother and sisters and audrey last week at vivo. the show was good. and the song thats in my play list was the best song... coz its sung as if my uncle was singing it. my mum told me that he told her that at times when he was in intense pain. he would call out to any higher being up there to just take him away. its was sad. kudos to royston tan. nice to see budding talent from singapore that can again make audiences laugh and cry.

results are out. managed to pass all. but after the 'before result effect' even ended. the 'after result effect' kicked in. although i passed all. the results were shit. out of 4 units. only 1 had a classification. i have to buck up. real soon. coz now that seventh month is over. the mid autumn fest is coming. after that, its CNY! and after CNY.... its the Mocks.. omg.. crazy stuff man..

ok.. i shall end here.. tata!!